Careful what I wish for

As my one and a half year-old nephew would say, uh… oh.

That winter weather I’ve been dreaming of? The steaming cocoa, the crackling fire, the cozy handknit blanket drawn up around my shoulders? Let’s get real. Actual winter in Texas turns Texans into helpless incompetents, sliding all over the road, calling in to workplaces two miles from their houses because they can’t safely get down their driveways. Feast your eyes on the high drama of a Central Texas winter storm warning (from kvue.com’s weather center):

 Winter Storm Warning  Statement as of 3:49 PM CST on January 27, 2009

… Winter Storm Warning remains in effect until 11 am CST
Wednesday…

A Winter Storm Warning remains in effect until 11 am CST
Wednesday.

Subfreezing temperatures will be met this evening and continue to slowly fall through the night. Hours of light freezing rain will result in ice accumulations up to one quarter inch on bridges and overpasses. Temperatures should climb above 32 degrees by late Wednesday morning.

A Winter Storm Warning means accumulations of snow… sleet…  freezing rain or freezing drizzle are expected or occurring. This will cause considerable travel problems and may pose a threat to life and property.

First, accumulations of snow? I should be so effing lucky. No, it will be ice, or it will be nothing but a little windchill and a lot of panic.

And “a threat to life and property?” Okay, Captain Hysteria.

Then again, Austin’s response to hazardous driving conditions during the ice storm of 2007 was to throw sand on the interstate skating rink. I don’t know how little gypsum ball-bearings are supposed to help make icy roads safer, so perhaps “up to a quarter inch” of ice accumulation really will become the Storm of the Century.

I’ll let you know if I pull through.

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